Focus

So last week my yoga teacher wanted us to be focused. That was our intention for the class. She asked us to visualise someone who inspires us and for some unknown reason I couldn’t think of anyone in particular. I am inspired daily by my family and friends but I don’t have someone right now who totally inspires me to be the best version of myself. And that in itself is depressing. I was confused and frustrated that in the moment I couldn’t think of one damn person to focus on who inspires me.

I have had role models in the past – when I was competing as a dancer I looked up to Michael Flatley obviously and also to Ciara Sexton for what she did for female dancers in Irish dance. She was unstoppable and worked incredibly hard to be the very best at what she does. They inspired me (past tense). But I’ve moved on from competing and it is no longer such a huge part of my life.

I think the last year has shown me that I really don’t know where I will be in five years time. I don’t have the foggiest. Will I be working in Tax at the Big Four. Will I be a full time yoga teacher and will I be any good at it. Will I juggle both? Will I be married and a stay at home mom. Heck I don’t even know what country I will be in. For someone who is a slightly autistic planner (my diary is my life) I find this totally and utterly over whelming.

How am I meant to focus on one thing when I have no idea what that one thing should be. As a result I am finding it difficult to find inspiration in a role model – and I think having a role model is really important.

There are tonnes of people who I interact with everyday either via personal relationships with them, social media or just because they are in the spotlight. There are aspects of their lives that I am envious of but that doesn’t mean they inspire me and there is a big big difference.

Mid way through my practise I was struggling mentally with the depressing notion that “omg nothing inspires me, what’s wrong with me, I’m miserable and doooomed” until I realised I don’t need one role model. My life is going in so many different directions that I can be inspired by multiple people right?

Today my inspiration comes from my teacher Cloudia. She gets me on the mat, she takes away the tension, stress and anxiety that is often with me after a crappy day at the office and most importantly she gets me thinking. Being on my mat makes me a better person off the mat and for that reason Cloudia – you inspire me daily.

 

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