Its nearly Christmas time! All that glitters is glittering and I am pouring cinnamon over absolutely everything.
Christmas gets me down though. Really joyous happy times usually do. I have this painful habit of thinking of those less fortunate than me. The level of my empathy is sometimes unbearable and can be a burden. I often feel helpless and want to end people’s suffering so badly but don’t know how or don’t have the capacity to do so.
I think about all of those that I have lost that should be opening presents on Christmas morning. My best friend who died too young from a stroke. My grandmother who lost her battle with the devil on a cold winters night in a horrible house fire. The babies who were never given the chance to experience the joy of an innocent breath in the arms of my dearest. The loves that have gone. The friendships that are no longer. The ones that know this is their last Christmas together.
Christmas is a slap in the face.
I see the pain on the faces of people who have lost loved ones and it hurts. Christmas can be a time when you think about the good times gone by that are no longer possible. Christmas is the time when you are meant to be with the people you love but this can too often leave a huge void at the table. A plate left empty, a cracker left unpulled.
I walk through the streets of London and I see people who have fallen short, experienced the short straw in the roulette of life. Suffering and watching their breath form clouds in front of their very eyes. Seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle. I want to hug every single one of them. I want to go around London giving a cup of tea and a biscuit to every single person who has to sleep rough tonight.
This is an all too familiar feeling for me in the lead up to Christmas. Call it seasonal affective disorder. Call it human nature. Call it what you want
I am a giver and yearn to please people. Possibly for acceptance and reassurance that I have a valuable place in someone’s life, who knows. I take Christmas as the opportunity to spoil those I love. Because I can. Because they are here.
So that is what I will continue to do and you should too. Go out and do everything in your power to make the people most important to you have the very best holiday you possibly can. Make them feel loved, wanted and needed. This is the time to look around at your blessings, because we truly have so many. And to say thank you.
The world has thrown some cruel shit at people this year. I will remember 2015 as the year I learnt that my heart is big enough to carry the woes of those closest to me. I will protect them. I will love them. Karma has been a bitch this year – lets hope the balance is restored in 2016.
So here is a toast. To happiness, to knowing if you feel sad at Christmas it is because it shows you that you are capable of loving deeply. Embrace it.